


Sober ( Sope / Yoonseok )

by Lerchin



Category: Yoonseok - Fandom, suicide - Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-30
Updated: 2017-10-13
Packaged: 2018-11-21 11:03:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 28
Words: 7,193
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11356176
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Lerchin/pseuds/Lerchin
Summary: I can't do anything , the air feels like is going to crush my lungs , please take me away because this place is so hard to be in so I can at least breathe for a few days .'Note :I hope this gay shit makes you cry





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> English is not my mother tongue so if I have some errors please correct them .  
> Note that I don't have inspiration to write long chapters

He could hear the wind from the outside . That feeling was making him feel warm . He never really had the chance to feel warm from a lot of things , it didn't matter anyway , it was always just him , all alone , therefor , that wasn't a problem , beign alone isn't something bad , he liked his own company . He liked himself even though he knew how much of a disappointment he was .It was just a matter that had to do with a bigger point of view . He streched and let his head fell on the pillow looking tipsy at the ceilling . Aware of his failures and the sad fact that maybe he will never grow up to be as good as he wants , but knowing that he probably won't make it till next year , he realized how ugly and shallow the world really is .  
He didn't hated himself as much as he hated everything else ,just because he came to know that sorrowful fact. He sighted . Wasn't fortunate enough to have the power to think about something like that . It was hard to even breath , it felt like the air was going to make his lungs fall apart . He didn't wanted to do anything , as lately even going outside of his room made him fell abnoxious . So many things to do and nothing to want to do . The snow began to fall outside his window and short pieces of it coldly glued themselves to it . He never wanted to go outside ever again , he never wanted to fell reality ever again .It was a dizzy , angry feeling  
He just wanted to be drunkenly alone .


	2. II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur , correct them in a comment or something .

Yoongi closed his eyes for a moment . He was breathing , but his chest was still heavy , like the whole world layed on his lungs , how hard he tried but it still didn't felt like there was enough Oxygen , Nitrogen and Hydrogen for his brain to procces anything . His eyes opened and they made their way to the small table near his bed . Pages , notes , his most precious writing , wich was supposed to help him learn were thrown under plastic tablets of blue pills . Yoongi's mind was flying throu small fragments of the Matrix , he shacked his head . But his mind could have done anything , his conciousness wasn't there to give him a common sense . 

Lazely streched his arm after the pills , some pages graceously fall on the floor making loops in the dusty air . With eyes half closed he hardly ripped the aluminium layer and randomly took pill , he just swallowed , without water , without knowing how many he took , maybe three , or five , or more . He arrived to the point were he losts his fucks , every single fuck , they weren't there , not even for this situation. If he died , good , he just wanted to go to sleep . 

And his breth started to slow down , his eyes shut and his throat felt burning


	3. III

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes correct them in a comment or something

Hard , slow breathing Yoongi would take from time to time , he could fell a plastic taste in his dried mouth . He had chapped lips and sickly lavender bags under his eyes and small black dots . He couldn't fell his body . His skin was decolorated , to a greyish pale yellow with dark moles and freckels . In the dusty air there was smell of medicinal alcohol .

Lately , he opened his eyes . The horizon was limited to some marble squaers on the ceilling . He could hear a fast breathing in the room , the sound of a chair and shoes hitting the floor . There was a dash of fresh , light masculine parfume , that Yoongi's sense felt cropfull .

-Oh , hello . Yoongi turned his head and began to fell that his lungs were having enough air without those small tubes in his nostrils .

He felt warm and the muscles in his legs were nowhere to be found . He almost had a panic attack , and the man realized that .

-Calm , you don't have why to be nervous , for now . The man said in a raspy voice .

Yoongi's conciousness was somewhere in the back of his mind , stabbing his brain with comonn sense . He was in a hosptal , why was he in a hospital , for how much he has been in a hospital , how much he is gong to be in a hospital .

-You had an overdose , poor little thing , the man said , shoving his hands in the long pocket of his medical gown . Yoongi couldn't fell any leftover of sympathy in his voice .

\- And , your brain- , he stopped for a second, I guess you don't know , do you ? Hoseok's voice was prepared to give some bad news .

Yoongi closed his eyes , he could fell that he was ill with all of his existence , he was prepared .

-...that you have _cancer_ . Hoseok said slowly , putting an accent on the last word . Yoongi sighted , he didn't cared , he thought of this possibility a bunch of times before .

Hoseok felt awkward and continued .

-Besides that , Hoseok's said in a vague voice . We need to make some tests , just to verify some things . He fast said to assure that Yoongi doesn't get uneasy again . Yoongi opened his eyes a little and looked straight at Hoseok's face . Even in that state , he could still be pretty intimidating .

-You have a ... _strange_ way of  ~~~~ ~~~~thinking.

 


	4. IV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammatical mistakes , correct them in a comment or something .

Yoongi looked at Hoseok with no expression on his face . His mind was working so efiently it even made him surprised , he needed to understand why was he here , besides the overdose , wich wasn't surprising . He needed to know why he was in this dark dim room . What does this man wants from him ? He was in a redeeming state, he was forced to stay at the hospital for some more days for verification and blood tests but this was neither any of them . Hoseok was concentrated on some papers at the other side of the room , so Yoongi could just see his back . He was just a little bit taller than him but he was fit , he could see through Hoseok's hospital gown . He made an examination from head to toe of Hoseok and notted in his mind the important stuff , just like the X-ray radiography that Hoseok was so keen on . His light brown hair was shining under the small gaze of the old , flashing bulb . Hoseok's eyebrown were frowned . He snarled silently and passed his hand through his hair , sliding it on the back .Hoseok streched his arm and grabbed a pair of old glasses from a very desorganised shelf and put them on . Yoongi could feel Hoseok's cold sweet that passed on his forehead by just looking at him . Hoseok was somehow handsome , in a very peculiar way . Hoseok sighed and turned to Yoongi . His shoes were making a frighting sound as he was getting closer to Yoongi . Hoseok's gaze was kinda ironical and bored but also a presence of sick curiosity was sparkling . The kind of curiosity that future murderers have , thinking about how it feels to actually kill someone .

Hoseok took a seat and put his arms under his chin , covering his mouth with his fingers

. -We will need to make a neurological test and radiographys . said as he looked at Yoongi , in hope that he would easily agree with him

-Why ?asked Yoongi simple . I am not obligated .

-Actually , you are . Hoseok made a pause to make up his thoughts .

Yoongi remained silent . Hoseok rolled his chair to a another desk and took some pieces of paper .

-Breathe . Hoseok said .

 _''I was doing it anyway if you don't know that people need fucking air ''_ thought Yoongi .

\- Close you eyes . 

Yoongi did as ordered and seconds later he could feel a light smell of cologne , absinthe and a hot breathe in the air . 

-Open them now . 

This _man_ , this goddamned man that was supposed to be a proffesional doctor was way too close to him , a lot over Yoongi's limit of personal space . He felt a little obnoxious as Hoseok's eyes were piercing through him . 

Oh , oh , Hoseok was intimidating too , and that was mixed so well to his asshole like personality that he showed towards Yoongi,  that it almost made him a stereotypical charming . 

 

\- Can you fell the smell ? Hoseok asked .

 

''Yes , you should take a shower '' but Yoongi come back to his seriousness and scolded himself for making shitty jokes when he was supposed o think about stressful things .

 

-Is it strong or light ? 

-Light . Hoseok wrote down some things on the papers and  came back to his initial seat . 

Little did Yoongi knew  how often he would fell that light smell of fresh , toxic parfume that Hoseok had .


	5. V

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammatical mistakes occur , correct them in a comment or something .

Hoseok's eyes were harshly looking at Yoongi , which still didn't had any expression on his face . He was fallowing Yoongi's eyes as he was staring at random objects ; the wall behind Hoseok , the table , the ground , the pages with radiography examinations and sometimes when he got too bored and his eyes would be getting itchy he would look at Hoseok's hair , spacing out .  
Hoseok sighed and Yoongi turned his attention to him . Hoseok streched his arms a little , and put his palms under his chin , having a better view of how Min Yoongi really looked in the pale light of the room .  
Yoongi could also see Hoseok's face clearly , his black framed glasses complementing his serious aura even though he looked tired . Hoseok let out a restreained hot breathe and put his finger on his tie , undoing it a little to let him have a little more of that good , good air that Yoongi felt disappearing at that moment . He could hear the man with medical gown breathing slowly and hard .His Adam apple showing , sweat dropping down his neck . He felt somehow provoked by this very upset image of Hoseok .

The man dragged his chair closer to him .

-Fallow my finger till I say stop , yes? Hoseok said in a deep , husky voice that made Yoongi interested in a way . He fallowed the orders and the other wrote down some things .  
\- Very well . now take out your pants .  
-What ? asked Yoongi in a neutral voice .  
-I said take out your pants , I need to check your reflexes . Responded in a passive agressive voice that confirmed Yoongi's thoughts 

Yoongi got up and began to open his belt , unbutton his pants and let them slid town on the cold floor , Hoseok watching unashamed the boy's thin , displayed in front of his eyes , that, have seen a lot of naked people . Semi/nudity wasn't something to make him or neither Yoongi embarassed or awkward .He took a seat while Hoseok took a small medical hammer , his parfume still filling the room . 

Hoseok crumbled down and slightly hit Yoongi's knee . Nothing . 

\- Your reflexes ... aren't good at all . Said Hoseok and breathe loudly , putting his hand through his hair and taking off the medical gown and glasses Yoongi felt another shortage of air . Hoseok's athletic body that was so different from his , his well proportioned muscles covered by his shirt . Hoseok turned and Yoongi put his belt on . Hoseok had an efortless conceited gaze , with a bit of sadism .


	6. VI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammatical mistakes occur please correct them in a comment or something .

Hoseok slighly knock on the door and remained silent for a minute . Afterwards he entered anyway . Since Hoseok worked in this hospital , he could feel that the air was somehow different . Is like you could feel that the people in there are totally detached from reality and everything that has to do with it .It was a putrid smell of dementia and Hoseok feelt like it could see it's waves floating in the small room . There wasn't much , just a bed , a table with tons of papers ,a chamber, a stove and the some hackle curtains .

-Good evening . Said Hoseok coldly but with pity . He sometimes felt bad for some of the patients in the hospital , oh well , not really bad but , more calm. He didn't get a response .

-What are you doing ? He asked trying hard to sound friendly and not totally disappointed knowing that there was no hope for this patient 

-Good . the response came . He always gets that response . He came closer and looked over Gang Gwak's shoulder . She was painting something , he couldn't figure out what it was yet. It was known that there is a connection between mental illness and art , and this patient was the best example.Gang Gwak continued painting without looking at Hoseok .It was this suffocating aura around her, like she knew what you were about to do and she is just waiting to see how much you will fuck up . It just felt like she got some kind of calculated superiority.Hoseok could see that Gang Gwak was very concentrated at what was she doing , therefor , Gwak never cared about anything else rather than her work , even though now she couldn't do as much as before . Hoseok felt a disgusting smell of old water and acrylics that was coming from an old plastic cup that Gwak was using.

-If you ever need something just call me or one of the nurses , yes ? And he looked around the room.

-Yes , Gwak responded . Her voice was really deep and Hoseok knew that it didn't matter for her how presentable she was or about hygiene . Gwak was constantly away from reality and close to it at the same time .

 _''Hopefully she wont get an schizophrenic episode again , it is such a pain ''_ though Hoseok and closed the door as he exited . He was going to see Yoongi .


	7. VII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur please correct them in a comment or something .

-Good evening , said Hosok in an ironical , superior voice ,as he entered the room without knocking .

The window was opened , wind making the curtains flow in waves . It was snowing outside , and the cold meet the warm in Yoongi's room , him standing at the edge of his bed right besides the burning wood in the stove that produced a little bit of grey smoke . Yoongi didn't replied . 

-Well , I guess you don't want to talk with me . But you know , if you don't cooperate then wit won't get anywhere-

-Have you seen them ? Yoongi turned his to Hoseok and made eye contact with him . An horrifying , cold and intriguing feeling was struggling in Hoseok's soul when he meet his gaze . It was a mad , but peaceful gaze .The disturbed ones learn the sarrow truth , then you can see the human specimen at it's most peaceful moment , already knowing why they were standing there breathing , something , that comforted people like Hoseok may never experience until then . 

-Who ? asked Hoseok , for the first time , showing Yoongi a more gentle voice but still in guard .

-Them . And Yoongi moved his eyes to the right corner of the room . Fixing them on the corner , 

-Them what ? Hoseok asked slowly .

Yoongi didn't respond .

-Do you see something there ? asked him , craving for more answers , but fearing the one that he already knew .

-Yes , said Yoongi , his pupils dilated , looking straight at that point . 

-Have you wore glasses before ? Or had any optical problems ?

-Yes , but they didn't made me see that , Yoongi said , as he got out of the bed and moved closer to Hoseok , constantly looking back , making sure that no one is there . He looked silently traumatized .


	8. VIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur , please correct them in a comment or something

Hoseok was running on the many halls of the hospital . His heart was beating and full of fear , he could sense some kind of adrenaline in his blood . It was wrong for him to feel like this , because the reason wasn't something that important .He tried to make himself think that , to imprint something like this in his memory , he wasn't aloud to feel like this. He felt so lost , and besides going to help , it looked like he was running to find his concioussness ,maybe that's why it seemed that the halls were getting longer and he couldn't reach anything . 

Yoongi was having a craze . Maybe it was because he was feeling depressed . He was in the top of his bed , the cracking from the fire eating the wood out in the stove and his tears pouring down his cheeks . Why was he feeling like that ?Why did he felt this desperate need to cry , out of nowhere . Why did his body felt exhausted and his soul flying in a better places ? What was with this burning sensation in his body and this windy breeze in his thoughts ? Was it that hard to get himself together ?  
What was he doing ? How much he hated the way he felt 

He could feel the tears wetting the sleeves of his hoodie . He should have just died when he took the pills . Yoongi knew , that the only way to get out of this was to either kill himself or kill someone else .In that loneliness in his room just the snowing outside was keeping him company .

He closed his eyes , his interrupted breath and the sound of the slamming door Hoseok made when he entered .Yoongi's back shivered in surprise . Hoseok could barely breath and his eyes were looking straight at Yoongi's . It wasn't the ironical gaze Hoseok gave him until now , it was a confuse ,warm and hopefull look . Yoongi felt in that moment , through his tears Hoseok 's feelings . Hoseok remained like that for a little bit , got his head back and breath loudly , every one of them hurting his insides . 

Hoseok came a little bit closer to Yoongi , exactly how someone would come closer to a hurt animal . He sat on the bed ,right besides Yoongi , who was looking at him with fear and tears in his eyes and wanted to move away from him , but Hoseok grabbed him in a tight hug . Yoongi turned to stone .His face was in Hoseok's burning chest , hearing his heart beating rapidly .

Hoseok gone his hand through Yoongi's hair almost caressing him and feeling his warm breath .

-It's okay if you want to cry .Hoseok whispered slowly and gentle , Yoongi standing still , confused and his tears burning his face .


	9. IX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur correct them in a comment or something .

Hoseok was scratching his forehead in frustration while Yoongi was just looking at him blankly , with redness in his eyes . Hoseok sighed and moved around the room . His sun-kissed skin glowing in the fire light . He turned around and made his way to a small closet hanging in the wall , he opened it and took something from a raft .A small glass bottle of medicamentation . It was half empty . Hoseok turned his gaze at Yoongi . 

-Be very attentive , yes ? Can you see this little bottle right here . Those are not pills , anti-depressants don't have any effect on you , you are that hopeless . Hoseok gave Yoongi a mean look . They will help you relax from everything . I usually don't do this but you mind state is as bad as it could ever be , and your heartbeat increased consistently . 

Yoongi didn't care . Hoseok could have gave him even a gynecologic exam Yoongi didn't gived a shit anymore . He was too reserved in his own feeling and trying to figure out what he is thinking to take his time to wonder what is in that bottle . 

-I usually don't do this . And I guess you already figured out that you have to keep you mouth shut about this . This bottle . Hoseok waved it in front of Yoongi's face , is from my personal collection . Now , and he said in a husky , low voice , I will take this with you . 

Hoseok opened the bottle and took one of those really small paper squares from it , there was a small face drawn on it . He lend the bottle to Yoongi and ordered him to take one . Yoongi , as a good follower did as said . Hoseok put the bottle back in the self and closed the closet door with a key that he took from his pocket .He come back to Yoongi . Hoseok's face was really closed to his . There was just a small light in the dark room and in was frightening to hear Hoseok whispering .

-When I said three , we both swallow it , yes ? 

Yoongi just nooded . Hoseok took a big breath and a seat on the chair .

-One.

Yoongi blinked in confusion .

-Two .

But then he breathed loudly .

-Three .

With his eyes closed we swallowed the small piece of paper .


	10. X

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur correct them in a comment or something .

Their bodies were lying in the rusty hospital room . Yoongi's lips were chapped , he was lying on his back on the patient bed . Hoseok advised him to stay on the bed after they took the small papers , in those tharty minutes before the paper squares disolved in their mouths , Yoongi began to feel strange . Like all of his senses began mixing which other and giving this state of euphoria . This pleasing shivering in his body , the way things distorted . The lines and colour changing shapes on the ceiling.For that moment , Yoongi's mind drastically changed the way it works . It would take days to explain how Yoongi felt at the begining . Philosophy tends to be more schizophrenic but also, I believe, more frequently meaningful (as opposed to being platitudinous and ultimately pointless).

-Let's go back. Yoongi heard Hoseok's face near him but didn't took his eyes off the ceiling .

-We can't. We have to go forward. Murmured Yoongi .

-Why can't we go back? asked Hoseok in a stupid voice .

-Because that's the way we came.

The effects of conventional hallucinogens are hard (perhaps impossible) to describe to someone who's never tried any hallucinogens before. It's like trying to describe color to someone who's been blind since birth or sees only in black & white.Some experiences just can't be conveyed in words unless there's an adequately similar shared experience that can be used as a point of reference. And this is why most people who try end up using very abstract and grandiose language, typically drawing comparisons with spiritual experiences because that's perhaps the closest thing in our common vocabulary that describes a drastically altered mental state.

The old tv was open and played an old Beatles song .

-TV is incompatible with my brain.said Yoongi.TV can only show me one show at once.But in my mind, I can watch multiple shows simultaneously . This was still just the pre-start of the actual effect . Yoongi laughed for no reason and began to slowly whisper the lyrics of the song . If anybody entered that room in that right moment they would find this very creepy scene of two grown men , one on the bed, one on the chair , looking lifeless with a not so functional tv in the backround .

An electric and wild wave coursing through his body, a heightened sense of awareness. The tv was playing Let It Be by The Beatles and he started having fun with the lyrics, singing things like, ‘Yeah toes will be stubbed, let it be, let it be' and ‘yeah you'll get ripped off at least once in India, let it be , let it be ''.

Hoseok laughed happily .

Their lives were fucking hilarious. Ridiculous! Crazy funny! On a good trip, Hoseok had spent minutes upon minutes on the floor, holding his gut, laughing his brains out. People are so silly! Interestingly, the smaller the space, the funnier it gets.

An evil trip, however, send him to the Matrix doldrums. They have a grim lot, humans, in many repetitive and ugly ways. And if your mind ain't right, you'll stew in it. It's awful, sometimes for hours on end, and the awfulness is enough to cause one to swear off hallucinogens.

Everything Hoseok saw became extremely detailed and sharp. It was like upgrading his vision to super-high definition.He had tripped a total of 6 times and each trip was different.He had 5 "good" trips and 1 "bad" trip. Good and bad in quotes because that's what people tend to describe trips as, but all trips he feel were beneficial because he learned a lot about himself. 

Tripping destroys the ego and any sense of separation, it causes one to become very introspective and thoughtful.His first two times he was solo, he had a friend trip sit him but he didn't take it with him. Those two trips occurred at a very turbulent time in his life, the first trip just days before he moved across the country for college, the second trip days after .

Time moved very very slowly for Yoongi, everything seemed more profound, even mundane things seemed otherworldly. Hefelt neither hot, not cold and music took on a very different dimension, almost as if he could hear notes that he'd never heard before. He felt closer to the universe he lived in than he ever had otherwise.


	11. XI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur correct them in a comment or something .

Hoseok got up from the chair . He had a big careless smirk on his face and seemed dizzy . He turned and looked at Yoongi who was laying on the bed . Yoongi looked at him too , but hardly , he expected his vision to be like one of a kaleidoscope , but no, it was like one of these aesthetic edits from the internet . Hoseok's face was beautiful , a little dark tanned , his brown hair was ow a shade of brunette-orange . The sky was of a dark blue and purple sunset . Hoseok come closer to him , and took his face in his hand . He was seeing Yoongi's face upside down , and maybe is because of this trip that they were making but Yoongi's gaze was so profound that if it had a psyhical form , it could kill Hoseok . 

Hoseok gently caressed Yoongi's cheeks . It was this really bittersweet feeling . Is like they could exchange thoughts just by looking at each other . Hoseok gave Yoongi a smooth kiss on the cheek . His flesh was soft . He looked clearly at Yoongi and then he covered his eyes with his right hand . Yoongi was preparing for his first time in this unknown world of the mind , and in which Hoseok will guide him


	12. XII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur correct them in a comment or something

Euphoria is an affective state in which a person experiences pleasure or excitement and intense feelings of well-being and happiness.Certain drugs, many of which are addictive, can cause euphoria, which at least partially motivates their recreational use. Similarly, certain natural rewards and social activities, , laughter, listening to emotionally arousing music, music-making, and dancing, can induce a state of euphoria. Euphoria is also a symptom of certain neurological or neuropsychiatric disorders, such as mania. Romantic love and components of the human sexual response cycle are also associated with the induction of euphoria.

Euphoria is also strongly associated with both hypomania and mania , mental states characterized by a pathological heightening of mood, which may be either euphoric or irritable.

* * *

 

Yoongi's body was tingling .Was that the real life or just fantasy ? The darkness of a small hallway in the middle of which he stands was eaten away by a tent of obscure auburn smoke and light . It was really pleasing just looking at it . He couldn't see the start of that hallway or either the finish . It was endless and startless . There were doors on the both sides . There were little plates on them . Yoongi slowly walked closer and read the titles :

_Mutabor: Metamorphosis in the desired animal or plant_

 

_Suicide full of fun ! You will die of laughter ._

 

_The essence of art . The transformation of time in space by music._

 

_Advice for modelling the personality . Success guaranteed ._

 

_The tear that laughs .The cabinet of humor ._

 

The string of plates was infinite .One of them sounded like this :

 

_Games for hermits . The integral compesation of any lack of society_


	13. XIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur correct them in a comment or something .

Yoongi's hand was sweaty as he grabbed the door knob . What was this lie that he was experiencing , it all felt like a strange dream but also , it felt more real than Yoongi felt ninety percent of the time . And he entered . It was a big victorian room , in light blue and with fancy golden ornaments at the edges , with a tall a ceiling and expensive paintings on the walls . There was a couch in the middle of the room and on it stayed Hoseok , laughing drunkly and the roof and smilling for no reason . It was really brightening to see him smile like that , or at least so though Yoongi . Do you know who smiles for no reason ? Stupid people or psychophats , and Hoseok seemed to be both of them at the same time . He giggeled and gave Yoongi a sign to come closer to him and sit down .

-Doesn't it feel good ? asked Hoseok . With a voice more relaxed than usual .

Yoongi stayed silent and sat down . He though for a second .Then laid back on the couch and smiled stupidly .

-It does . Yoongi said .

Hoseok put his arm around him .

-I can show you even better things than this . But not everything is milk and honey , dear . You will see things that you never heard of , and feel others that you could never think of . So be careful


	14. XIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur please correct them in a comment or something .

Hoseok put his hand on Yoongi's eyes , covering them .

-I hope you will be happy . he said .

* * *

Next thing Yoongi knew , he was on a shore in the middle of nowhere , not knowing how he got there or how to get out of there . Now , just like the rest  of his life that he had spend on this poignant  earth . There were cobs of fog and a hard smell of salt in the air . The sound of waves  crashing into the cliffs were filling Yoongi's bewildered thoughts . He was exactly like those waves , leading to the end of their lives ,caused by themselves . With the wind arrives and Yoongi's feelngs of sadness and dullness .

 

All the things that he done wrong were  purporsly wre entering Yoongi's head and vision , it was like he could see his own disappointment . Why was this happening , why again , why to him , why now . He just wanted to throw his feeling away and run forever . 

Panic began to build up Yoong's chest and it was bringing him down on the sand . It felt like there wasn't a place for him anywhere in the world .

 

And he was right , there wasn't .

 

But that was fine , there wasn't need for one , it will all end soon , thought Yoongi , now laying on the sand and hardly breathing . 

 

-Really soon .


	15. XV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur lease correct them in a comment or something .

Yoongi was fucking exhausted. He wasn't on the shore anymore, he was on the fancy couch in that dark bleu room again, with his head in Hoseok's lap ,him plaing with small threads of Yoongi's hair , with his other hand on the check ,looking pretty bored .

Hoseok lighetened up when Yoongi opened his eyes .

 

-Oh dear , you woke up .How was it ? he asked , but Hoseok  knew . It was horrible .

 

-Why did you made me go there ? asked Yoongi with hopeless voice .

Hoseok gave him a confused look.

 

-It wasn't me who took you there.You know , I understand why you may thought it was me . You poor little thing . You must have been scared by your own bitter thoughts . It's fine , all of us are .But people like  _us_ , Yoongi , have to face them and the truth that come with it . 

 

Yoongi listened to Hoseok's warm voice . Making him a child again  , standing with his head in his grandmother's lap , listening to the snowstorm and to the words that carresed her chapped lips . It gave him a little meloncholic nostalgia . Those were peaceful times weren't they ? But he lost his naive innocence .

 

The ugly , dark world has grown , swallowing him . The world that once led his early childhood  was so far away now . And running for it was useless . There were two worlds , the fair one , that was animated by memories like this ,  the other one , the vulgar , outside world . The first one's interest in Yoongi died , and so did his safeness. Even as a young child , there were no to few times when Yoongi would have had actually break into his lost , sweet world . Tried and tried , but running seemed like just thightening the wall of blood and tears that was separating the two worlds , and olso surrounding Yoongi in the sarrow one .


	16. XVI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur correct them in a comment or something .

There was a battle in Yoongi's soul , and unfortunalety he already knew what will happen . It was so nice . Hoseok was like a safe refugee for Yoongi , he was so gentle with what he experienced and always trying to make him understand his feelings . Seriously , Hoseok made Yoongi's cheeks tingly .He’s chest was slacking and his stomach had a really funny feeling to it . But he always felt like this when he was drunk so it must be because of what Hoseok gave him .

-You’re burning . Hoseok said with his hand on Yoongi’s cheek .

And he was . It was like instead of burning Rome , Nero burnt him and also took over his mind because his thoughts were chaotic .And Hoseok didn’t helped at all , he knew what he was doing to him and he did that on purpouse .

A revelation made it’s way to Yoongi’s heart . He won’t see this man’s face too much . He knew that he will soon be gone . Yoongi snuggled Hoseok’s chest .He didn’t want to think about it now


	17. XVII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur correct them in a comment or something .

It was a nice winter night when Hoseok and Yoongi kind of got sober . Yoongi slowly opened his eyes . He felt like he had just drank five bottles of wine and then decided that he didn't liked it . Such a fucking headache he had it could be easier for him to just smash his head in a wall .He got up and looked around , there was Hoseok looking asleep .

-He didn't woke up . Yoongi said for himself.

-I did . Hoseok was just resting with his eyes closed . Yoongi had so many questions for him . Like what the fuck happened to them ?What did he gave him ? Why was he so nice to him and how could he stay nice to him and also stop his heart from exploding every time Hoseok even just smilled at him . How weak could he be ? -We just had an acid trip . Hoseok said and got up . He was serious , but nicely serious . He looked at Yoongi with such a deep gaze Yoongi was kind of dying .

Hoseok smiled at him .

* * *

 

Later the next day , Yoongi was in his hospital room , making chemoteraphy , they told him he has eight month to live .

 


	18. XVIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur correct them in a comment or something .

As the snow was falling ,Yoongi was sleeping , his head hurting to much to think about everything . He told himself that he will think about it in the morning . But there was no such scenery in Hoseok's plans . He entered slowly , making sure he won't make any sound . He had casual clothing , something that he would never allow his patients to see , but Yoongi was the exception .

Goddamn exception but it was worth it . If Hoseok would have to explain what feelings he had grew for Yoongi in the last times , what would he say ? Was it love ? No , love is not the right word , love is disgusting . Love is just lust in disguise . He knew it , he experienced it so many times . But all he knew , he wanted to see Yoongi happy in his last days .

And he will do it .

But now he needs to be careful

. He gently shook Yoongi's arm

-Psst , Yoongi , wake up . he whispered

Yoongi leaned towars him and made a discomforted face .

-What ?

-Wake up .

-Why ? Yoongi asked .

-I am getting you out of here . Hoseok said with an adrenaline smile and in that moment , Yoongi asked himself if Hoseok is not crazy .


	19. XIX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur correct them in a comment or something . 
> 
> The Epilogue part is coming .

Several months after

* * *

There they are , standing on the cold concrete , in the September wind .Eight months after Hoseok saved Yoongi from that dungeon of a place .Their hearts  beat simultaneously  with rapidity and fear .In his remaining time , Yoongi had spend his time with Hoseok . Their hands are clenched into one another's . It was such a pity that  he wouldn't see him in a  long time .  But Yoongi knew , someday , after years and years , he will see Hoseok  again  . Even though he knew he  was just  as horrible as a person as he could be  ,  He deserved to see Hoseok , to hear his laugh and see his smile , everybody deserved that .

 

They were looking at the heavenly bodies that were spread on the dark night sky . The stars weren't sparkling , they were small , hardly making any light , they were dying just like Yoongi . And soon he will look at this night sky and at the stars fading away . They were standing like that , in  absolute silence, waiting for the right moment .

Hoseok put his arm around Yoongi . Minutes were passing with them just looking at the sky . There was no need for words . Anyway there weren't earthly words of any kind for them to use and to say how they fell .

-Thank you . Whispered Yoongi . He feels the tighten  hug around him .

-I don't want you to go . Said Hoseok and looked straight to Yoongi's soul . Did this man had any idea how beautiful he was ?

-Me neither . 

Hoseok simply placed a small kiss on Yoongi's lips .

At the end , everything fades away anyway.

                                                                                                            _Part I : The End_                                                                                                           

 


	20. XX

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur please correct them in a comment or something .

_Part:II_

Hoseok slighly opened his eyes . He sleept less than usual but if waking up early was the price of the wiew he had right in front of him , he will drink all the drops of coffee in this world just to keep him awake in the morning .   
Yoongi was sleeping , hugging Hoseok like a miniature bear and with his little and cute nose (after Hoseok's thoughts ) cuddling in Hoseok chest . Damn , this made him weak. He could feel his insides hot and his stomache had a funny feeling ,Hoseok didn't believed in butterlies flying in your stomach like crazy but this feeling was nice .  
What will Yoongi do if we saw him like that . What would Hoseok doo if he was in his right mind ? Goddamit he didn't want to have to deal with feelings like these .   
He looked at Yoongi . He stayed with him till he finds a place to stay . He must be tired 


	21. XXI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur correct them in a comment or something .

-Where are we going ? asked Yoongi .

-Psst , it's a surprise . Just be patient . Hoseok covered Yoongi's eyes . He was spo nice with him and they even got to be friends bu , he felt ungrateful , like Hoseok was too good for him , and for the whole world.And Hoseok wanted Yoongi to be happy .

 

And as much time as he still has .

 

He will do everything to make Yoongi the happiest he would have ever been .

 

He liked Yoongi .


	22. XXII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur please correct them .

-My piano ? But I thou-  
\- Yeah , yeah , I have a friend that is pretty much a handy man and he repared it . said Hoseok while his dimples hurt him from smiling and with his right hand scratching his neck . His head down .

Yoongi turned to him and didn't said anything but in a really '' oh , you'' :

-I don't deserve it .

-Of course you do .

Yoongi made a gummy smile :

\- I swear Hoseok I don't deserve you .


	23. XXIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur correct them in a comment or something .

It was Yoongi's old piano . But now it looked brand new . He remembers it broke when he went to the hospital . Now he looked up at Hoseok , his eyes forming small smiles that Hoseok so much loved . He hugged Hoseok ,taking him by surprise .

Oh no , no those feeling again . 

Hoseok hated his feelings .

Every time ,he tried to drown those feelings, but the bastards learned how to swim . Somebody help this hopeless sack of mixed feelings that was so weak whenever he saw Yoongi .

-Are you ok ? You look a little pale . 

He was worried for Hoseok . How did Yoongi became so fucking cute or is just Hoseok being all lovey-dovey .

-No , no I am ok . I just hope you like i-

-I love it . Thank you soo much Hoseok , I love you too

Hoseok couldn't understand if he got friendzoned or a confession .


	24. XXIV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur please correct them in a comment or something .

Yoongi smiled and looked at Hoseok which basically was almost giving his soul there .

-Oh , really ? asked Yoongi ironically .  
-Yes ,replied Hoseok scratching the back of his neck with his head looking at the ground .

Hoseok just confessed .


	25. XXV

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur correct them in a comment or something .

Hoseok looked at Yoongi . What was he feeling ? He couldn't describe it , but it sure was the best moment in his life until then .

He could just feel this connection with him .

Yoongi leaned foward .Hoseok did too .They left a little soft kiss on each others lips . Yoongi smirked at him and pulled Hoseok closer , much closer .

Way too close . The kiss quckly became sexual and Hoseok began to panic . Oh , no .

Oh no .

Really no .

He began to feel it , the desire . He wanted Yoongi close to him , in all the ways possible .

 

And he will get him . 

 

Hoseok bit Yoongi lip . Took his hoodie off and threw it to the ground . Yoongi didn't oppose . 

 

 

 

None of them would at the thought of fucking , which sounded pretty nice to both of them .


	26. XXVI

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammatical mistakes occur please correct them in a comment or something , we will use them when we will edit the book , when we will finish it .

Hoseok pulled Yoongi in a simple kiss , Yoongi responded . It was kinda erotical and they both enjoyed it . Yoongi was hardly breathing as Hoseok . Oh but who was this part of Hoseok , that was so sadistically sexy . It made Yoongi want to , well , fuck him . Yoongi took of his shirt in a sloppy way . He didn't have to proeminent abs , he was rather skinny , but damned he looked good

Hoseok cheeks flushed and did the same , without letting go of Yoongi's mouth .With one hand on Yoongi's back back of the head , and with one on his thigh , it was a fight for dominance . Who will fuck and who will get fucked? Yoongi looked down. Unbuttoned Hoseok's pants and they imediatelly felt to the ground . Just like Hoseok's shame . Yoongi looked at Hoseok's boxers .

 

Oh god , he made him hard .

 

Stone hard .

 

Yoongi grinned , he gave Hoseok a  sensual look and pushed him on the bed and stood right on top of Hoseok's erection . 

But Hoseok didn't opposed as Yoongi was rubbing  his ass on his dick through the material of their boxers .   
  


Yoongi gave Hoseok a little kiss on the lips and touched his abdomen . He made his way to Hoseok's boxers and began  to play with the little twines from the boxers , teasing Hoseok even more . Yoongi could hear Hoseok's hard breath and his whispered moans , drowned by the pillow on Hoseok's face  . 

 

Yoongi finally released Hoseok struggling dick and slightly touched the top of it  . Hoseok moaned . Yoongi bend forward and licked the top of Hoseok's dick , making a little bit of white liquid to came out . 

 

-Already ? asked Yoongi .

He opened his mouth and began sucking , making little patterns with his mouth , swallowing every remain of Hoseok's semen that might  came out from Hoseok's raging dick . 


	27. XXVII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If grammar mistakes occur please correct them in a comment or something .

Hoseok was breathing hardly but he was very pleased to hear Yoongi moans while he humped his dick . Hoseok back hugged Yoongi , his mouth close to Yoongi's ear .

\- Say my name , darling . 

Yoongi hesitated a little , trying to keep his moaning to himself . 

\- H- Hoseok , he moaned slowly , and Hoseok enjoying it way to much , he smirked . 

Again that euphoric feeling of sinning pleasure , good thing God likes sinners .


	28. XXVIII

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It was nice writing this , it will stay with me from now on , also check my other works too .

This was it . Yoongi's last moments .

His weak body on the hospital bed and his am in Hoseok's .

The cancer was killing him .

\- I love you , Hoseok .

-I love you too , Yoongi .

Part II : The End 

 

 

Final


End file.
